In which I don my coaching hat (beribboned bonnet? jaunty fascinator?) and dole out opinions, advice, and general musings on how (and whether) to use dating apps without losing your mind.

In which I consult with a fictional Board of Directors, download Hinge, go on a date with a hot man, and finally answer the question I posed at the beginning of our tale.

In which I get called out so hard I break out in cold sweats, offend people at a wedding, surprise myself by getting a job, and rant like my life depends on it.

In which I encounter a hot Scottish man on a train, zero in on a future mother-in-law, break up with the Universe, and finally drag myself to therapy.

In which I question the existence of God, flirt aggressively with a boy dressed as Jesus, get stalked by Sting, and develop remarkably witch-like powers.

In which I get the puppy from hell, quit my job, lose friends, run out of money, get back together with an ex, and clearly succeed spectacularly at adulthood.

In which my teenage dreams swell to the highest heights and burst spectacularly, I learn to date boys I’m not into, and I mistake depression for love.

In which much is introduced and revealed, including why I think my singledom is my fault, all the couples I’ve ever shipped, my great-grandma’s hot take on erotic novels, and the age-old question of whether my hopes are too high.

Coming Wednesday, August 18! Forever Alone: One introverted millennial’s half-agonizing, half-hopeful journey through singledom, is a seven-part miniseries podcast from the mind of life & career coach Rachel East.